My First Post
Hi everyone. I actually dont mean to share my personal life to other people, but somehow I felt empty if I don't share this feeling to anyone.
I don't mean i don't have a friend to share about my feeling I just Can't.
Ok let me share about my little secret...
I was born in a complete family with mom, dad, and one little brother, since I was young I was told to be number one that is an obligation as the first daughter in my family *well thats because my mother was so smart, she always been the first rank in her class*
When i was young, whenever i got zero or get point under 7 my father would be angry, I was told to study till I can master it, I was hit by belt, wood or anything else if I dont understand what he said. Besides, I admit I also a naughty girl sometimes I crawl out of my house while I was told to nap and there are times when I steal my mom pocket.
My family was neither rich nor poor just being ok. My father always struggle in a new bussiness. He always tried a new business after fail in previous business i don't think i could count how many times he has failed. Starting from opening a game center, restorant, automotive place, and till back to a restaurant again. I can't recall since when but as long as i remember my father always mad and often hit me and my mom. No, he's not a bad people he just can't control his feeling.
And this is what i concern about now...
Im afraid I also can't express my feeling.
Today Iam 24 years old, now I am a professional in medical field, and I can't express my feeling.
People might see me as a girl who never think something weight, not rare to see them envy me. They might think that I have everything, confidence, looks, height, brain, and looks can mingle in any kind of group.
But what I felt is different, I always feel insecure I'm afraid I might fall, fall free from the hill without know where the bottom. I don't know where I should go. i don't want to go home, yet I'm afraid to leave my comfort zone.
I'm afraid when I told someone what I felt they might underestimate me, even my parent know that I am a strong willed who can't give up easily.
I can't recall when the last I think my birthday is a special day... And I also can't recall what is a special being mean...
Even at my graduation day, I can't think that was my special day. I cant feel happy cause I already finish all of my 6 year in university besides I feel empty.
You know, you may think that this story look like I am nagging now.. But it is what i feel right now.. I can't found people who i can trust so I decide to write this.
This story may continue in next time when I felt no good. Cause I need to release all of my burden in my heart, or else I cant give people an advise to make them out from their problem...
If you experience any similar feel like me, I suggest you to express it no matter way. Seriously mental health is what we must concern in this globalization era.
I don't mean i don't have a friend to share about my feeling I just Can't.
Ok let me share about my little secret...
I was born in a complete family with mom, dad, and one little brother, since I was young I was told to be number one that is an obligation as the first daughter in my family *well thats because my mother was so smart, she always been the first rank in her class*
When i was young, whenever i got zero or get point under 7 my father would be angry, I was told to study till I can master it, I was hit by belt, wood or anything else if I dont understand what he said. Besides, I admit I also a naughty girl sometimes I crawl out of my house while I was told to nap and there are times when I steal my mom pocket.
My family was neither rich nor poor just being ok. My father always struggle in a new bussiness. He always tried a new business after fail in previous business i don't think i could count how many times he has failed. Starting from opening a game center, restorant, automotive place, and till back to a restaurant again. I can't recall since when but as long as i remember my father always mad and often hit me and my mom. No, he's not a bad people he just can't control his feeling.
And this is what i concern about now...
Im afraid I also can't express my feeling.
Today Iam 24 years old, now I am a professional in medical field, and I can't express my feeling.
People might see me as a girl who never think something weight, not rare to see them envy me. They might think that I have everything, confidence, looks, height, brain, and looks can mingle in any kind of group.
But what I felt is different, I always feel insecure I'm afraid I might fall, fall free from the hill without know where the bottom. I don't know where I should go. i don't want to go home, yet I'm afraid to leave my comfort zone.
I'm afraid when I told someone what I felt they might underestimate me, even my parent know that I am a strong willed who can't give up easily.
I can't recall when the last I think my birthday is a special day... And I also can't recall what is a special being mean...
Even at my graduation day, I can't think that was my special day. I cant feel happy cause I already finish all of my 6 year in university besides I feel empty.
You know, you may think that this story look like I am nagging now.. But it is what i feel right now.. I can't found people who i can trust so I decide to write this.
This story may continue in next time when I felt no good. Cause I need to release all of my burden in my heart, or else I cant give people an advise to make them out from their problem...
If you experience any similar feel like me, I suggest you to express it no matter way. Seriously mental health is what we must concern in this globalization era.
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